With all due respect to the comedy of Jeff Foxworthy and his classic riffs on “You might be a redneck if…” - I’m helping myself to a new theme that is a little closer to home –

 “You might be a #restaurant #epic #fail if…”

  • Lights or letters in your outside signage are broken for weeks on end
  • Without speaking a word of greeting, your host turns heel, grabs menus proceeds across the room and exasperatingly gesticulates for the guests to “get-a-move-on-it”
  • You serve any “food” item that rests on a coagulating pool of iridescent orange grease
  • The servers use oven mitts to deliver hot plates and the mitts look like they have just come from a farm and were used during delivery of breeched calves
  • You commence uninterrupted power vacuuming of the entire dining area at 6PM oblivious to the dining guests outright rejection of the undertaking
  • Your “seasonal” Christmas decorations are up in July and/or your Fourth of July decorations are up in December
  • You undermine parental responsibilities by pushing soda pop sales on children who are clearly satisfied with water or milk
  • Your uniforms indicate in any way, shape or form that the servers are prepared to clean a carwash or change engine oil
  • When hope is fading for distraught parents who are trying to survive a toddler’s semi-meltdown and inquire if you have some crackers to stem the tide – you say “Sure, but I’ll have ta charge ya…”
  • Your training is so thorough that when an item is ordered off your printed menu the server’s response is to throw a sideways glance at the guest, snap their gum and challenge back with a “We have that…?”
  • Your manager’s “back up” of the service staff includes tossing a stack of napkins toward the six year old at a table with four adults to meet the simple request of a few more
  • You have more unbussed tables than you have tables
  • It seems oddly alien, foreign and very weird in your culture to do a table/guest check-back
  • You would rather have an impacted molar pulled out with rusty pliers by a tweeker than say “thank you” to your customers
  • Your bathroom looks or smells like the apocalypse
  • The knowledge you possess in regards to guest expectations/satisfaction could be contained within a thimble
  • Your parking lot is empty when your competitors is full

Views: 28

Tags: ChaseLeBlanc, Leadagers, Management, Operations, Restaurant

Comment

You need to be a member of FohBoh to add comments!

Join FohBoh

Advertisments

 

DEPARTMENTS

Social Wine Club for Craft Wineries

Smartbrief

Kids LiveWell atwitter over Twitter party

In its continuing effort to promote more nutritious and flavorful children's menu options, the NRA will hold a Twitter party  -More

Starbucks could become top on-premise wine seller in U.S.

Starbucks is planning to slowly expand its evening sales of wine, beer and small plates to thousands of selected stores throu -More

The evolving nature of snacks

Snacks have shifted from an after-school treat to a meal alternative as meal times become more fragmented.  -More

JOBS & CAREERS

Posting a job or finding a job starts here at FohBoh. Call us about special $25 posting packages to syndicate across all major jobs boards.

National News

Wahlburgers Announces Expansion Plans Including Franchise Agreement in Philadelphia

Wahlburgers has signed a franchise agreement with Hingham Associates, LLC that will bring five Wahlburgers to the metropolitan Philadelphia area over the next several years. The franchise group is actively looking at sites and is targeting a late 2014-early 2015 opening for its first restaurant.

Chipotle Mexican Grill, Inc. First Quarter 2014 Revenue Up 24.4%

Comparable restaurant sales increased 13.4% - Restaurant level operating margin was 25.9%, a decrease of 40 basis points

Jamba Juice Announces Grand Opening of New St. Louis, MO Location

Jamba Juice Company announced the brand’s continued expansion in the St. Louis market with the opening of a Jamba Juice® store at 11477 Olive Blvd. on April 16, 2014.

Expert in Real Estate Analytics Joins Luna Grill

Luna Grill, the San Diego-based Mediterranean restaurant chain, is welcoming retail real estate industry veteran Greg Thorburn to its leadership team. Thorburn has been brought on board to fill the newly created position of Vice-President of Real Estate.

Rita's Italian Ice Awards Area Development Agreement for Kansas

Rita's Italian Ice has awarded franchise and area development agreements for Kansas and the Kansas City area, which extends to the Missouri side of the city, to franchisees and local residents Jay Miller, Jeff Miller and Pat Reilly.

CROWD FUNDING

If you are looking for capital to start or grow your restaurant, create the next 501c3, develop and launch the next app for the restaurant industry,or want to help your peers in some meaningful way, we want to know about it.

TED TALKS VIDEO

TED: Matthew Carter: My life in typefaces - Matthew Carter (2014)

Pick up a book, magazine or screen, and more than likely you'll come across some typography designed by Matthew Carter. In this charming talk, the man behind typefaces such as Verdana, Georgia and Bell Centennial (designed just for phone books -- remember them?), takes us on a spin through a career focused on the very last pixel of each letter of a font.

TED: Jeremy Kasdin: The flower-shaped starshade that might help us detect Earth-like planets - Jeremy Kasdin (2014)

Astronomers believe that every star in the galaxy has a planet, one fifth of which might harbor life. Only we haven't seen any of them -- yet. Jeremy Kasdin and his team are looking to change that with the design and engineering of an extraordinary piece of equipment: a flower petal-shaped "starshade" that allows a telescope to photograph planets from 50,000 kilometers away. It is, he says, the "coolest possible science."

TED: Norman Spack: How I help transgender teens become who they want to be - Norman Spack (2013)

Puberty is an awkward time for just about everybody, but for transgender teens it can be a nightmare, as they grow overnight into bodies they aren't comfortable with. In a heartfelt talk, endocrinologist Norman Spack tells a personal story of how he became one of the few doctors in the US to treat minors with hormone replacement therapy. By staving off the effects of puberty, Spack gives trans teens the time they need. (Filmed at TEDxBeaconStreet.)

TED: Jennifer Senior: For parents, happiness is a very high bar - Jennifer Senior (2014)

The parenting section of the bookstore is overwhelming—it's "a giant, candy-colored monument to our collective panic," as writer Jennifer Senior puts it. Why is parenthood filled with so much anxiety? Because the goal of modern, middle-class parents—to raise happy children—is so elusive. In this honest talk, she offers some kinder and more achievable aims.

© 2014   Created by FohBoh.

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service