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“Best Practices”: Leadership On The Way
Most of us were not born to be great leaders. No, we had to make our mistakes and struggle through life’s lessons to achieve leadership…in other words, we learned “On The Way”.
Have you ever watched groups of children interact with each other? You can almost always identify one child who has a stronger presence than the other children, setting the agenda, tone, and duration of their activities. Sometimes the child “leader” will gain and retain control through sheer dominance, using size, age, or vocal volume to intimidate others into submission. The child’s leadership is blatantly egocentric, and the influence the child commands is not usually subject to reason or consequential variables, so the child leader is easily able to shape the group to fulfill his or her own desires.
As these child leaders got older, they had to change their methods of leadership in order to retain their status. Domination and fear can work for a while, but as the social circle expands, an unkind leader will be left behind. So, the young leader learns to compromise…on the way. Thank goodness, too, otherwise, we’d have a society full of tyrants!
Eventually modeling from Parents, teachers, other friends, and the media all provide crucial influences in the developing leadership styles of children. These influences, whether they are positive or negative, all help shape the understanding of leadership and group dynamics.
As adult leaders, we are still influenced by the people around us. We have experienced bosses who are disrespectful and domineering. Hopefully, though, we have been coached and mentored by someone who was genuinely interested in our own professional and personal development. We have learned from our colleagues and friends who share their own stories. All of this learning, decision-making, and development of leadership occur…on the way.
Great leaders take it upon themselves to develop their wisdom, and the resulting preparedness and fortitude, in their own teams. They utilize integrity and empathy when developing peoples’ leadership qualities…all on the way. Great leaders do not reminisce about their trophies and their accomplishments or bask in their own glory. Instead, they reflect on the people that helped them get there, the people they learned from on the way…
Help others with leadership. Reply to this discussion: Tell about your bosses/leaders. What did you like best about them? Tell about your horrific bosses, what did you dislike about them?
Have you ever watched groups of children interact with each other? You can almost always identify one child who has a stronger presence than the other children, setting the agenda, tone, and duration of their activities. Sometimes the child “leader” will gain and retain control through sheer dominance, using size, age, or vocal volume to intimidate others into submission. The child’s leadership is blatantly egocentric, and the influence the child commands is not usually subject to reason or consequential variables, so the child leader is easily able to shape the group to fulfill his or her own desires.
As these child leaders got older, they had to change their methods of leadership in order to retain their status. Domination and fear can work for a while, but as the social circle expands, an unkind leader will be left behind. So, the young leader learns to compromise…on the way. Thank goodness, too, otherwise, we’d have a society full of tyrants!
Eventually modeling from Parents, teachers, other friends, and the media all provide crucial influences in the developing leadership styles of children. These influences, whether they are positive or negative, all help shape the understanding of leadership and group dynamics.
As adult leaders, we are still influenced by the people around us. We have experienced bosses who are disrespectful and domineering. Hopefully, though, we have been coached and mentored by someone who was genuinely interested in our own professional and personal development. We have learned from our colleagues and friends who share their own stories. All of this learning, decision-making, and development of leadership occur…on the way.
Great leaders take it upon themselves to develop their wisdom, and the resulting preparedness and fortitude, in their own teams. They utilize integrity and empathy when developing peoples’ leadership qualities…all on the way. Great leaders do not reminisce about their trophies and their accomplishments or bask in their own glory. Instead, they reflect on the people that helped them get there, the people they learned from on the way…
Help others with leadership. Reply to this discussion: Tell about your bosses/leaders. What did you like best about them? Tell about your horrific bosses, what did you dislike about them?
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Natalie Milholland on -
Hi Jeff,
Great subject. I have had the great fortune of working for a wonderful boss for may years. The qualities that he exemplified are as follows:
1. Honesty - I always knew I could trust him and what he said, and so did everyone else
2. Integrity - He treated people in a forthright, upfront and respectful manner, whether the person was a distributor, a new employee, a manager, a sales person or someone doing repairs for us. He was loyal to our outside suppliers - not to say we did not change when prices and quality were issues, but he never jumped from one to another just because they promised a few pennies. To him, things had to make sense and be fair for everyone involved.
3. He made you feel he had faith and confidence in you. He let people do their jobs and while he wasn't afraid to criticize or coach, he allowed people to make mistakes and learn from those mistakes. He did not yell, demean or belittle anyone. He simply assessed whether you understood the situation and allowed you to talk through the problem and come up with a plan of action. Again, he was not afraid to terminate someone but they were on the team and were communicated with respectfully until the time came for them to be off the team.
4. Because of how he treated people he engendered great loyalty. This is why our company has managers and employees who have been with us for 30+ years.
5. Communicated with people in person or directly. Had a true open door policy.
6. Had a philosophy, talked about it regularly and everyone knew it.
7. Actions matched words. Looked at things from a long term perspective.
I have also worked for a manager that has destroyed loyalty and motivation. His actions were as follows:
1. Did not allow independent decisions. Everything must go through him.
2. Talked down to people. Did not listen and did not hear. Told, told, told. Communicated by memo and e-mail. Told different people different things. Excluded people more than included them.
3. Took people's ideas and brought them back as his own.
4. Made statements that are not accurate. Said people said things they did not say or at least did not say in the context in which he is repeating them. Created a feeling in those around him of mistrust and uncertainty.
5. "Beat" on suppliers, getting extra samples when it is not really a product we were considering. Said quality was important but changed to inferior products based on price.
6. Sent long, flowing e-mails about customer service, etc. etc., then yelled at people if they were even a little bit over a random and inconsistent employee hours goal.
7. His words did not match his actions. Very short term view.
There you go. Hope this helps someone look at him or herself and improve his leadership style.
Natalie Milholland -
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Permalink Reply by Jeff Tenut on -
Wow, thank you Natalie. When I read your reply about a good boss, it makes me think of 2 bosses I had that were wonderful! Thank you for the detail.
When you had bad bosses, how long did you put up with them? Did you ever to tell them how they made you feel? -
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Permalink Reply by Dan Corley on -
The best managers I've worked for over the years were always ones that I felt truly cared about me and wanted me to excel in what I was doing, not just "do more". In my high school years just entering the work force in a grocery chain, I worked for two different managers. One was arrogant and loud, getting us to do our tasks by intimidation and brow-beating. All it did was cause rebellion among us and we only did enough to avoid confrontation. I eventually quit the store after he cursed me out for an honest mistake I had made stacking bread! The other manager was the polar opposite. He seemed to truly care and challenged me to work hard and rise above the "average". I was rewarded for the extra work and soon learned to take pride in doing the job better because my name was attached to it, no matter how meanial the task. His influence has shaped my work ethic to this very day, many years later. It's funny, since I did the exact same job for both managers but the outcome and influence both had were totally opposite. Over the years I've worked for many people, some very good, others not so. If a manager truly cares for thier people, those people will be motivated to give him or her their best.
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Permalink Reply by Jeff Tenut on
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Amen, the better bosses bring the best out in me. Jeff
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Permalink Reply by Julia Rose on -
Hi Jeff. Thank you so much for bringing up these questions. Being a server and moving into management has given me a priceless learning experience.
I remember working at a hotel restaurant where we had two distinct types of managers. The first manager was always leading by example, listened and coached his employees well, and was generally well-liked by the entire staff. The 2nd manager was always micro-managing, delegating chores to the staff, and everyone hated her because she never made any connections with her employees. Over the past three years, I have pursued to model myself after the former of the two.
The other day I asked a few of the staff how they perceived me as a leader "too nice, too nice" was the reply.
Wait a minute, just a few months ago I was perceived as a tyrant! I've got to find some middle ground.
It really makes me feel great knowing that I share in the camaraderie of the restaurant. I truly can't imagine myself working in any other industry that makes me so happy. -
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Permalink Reply by Jeff Tenut on
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Hi Julia,
You oviously are developing good leadership qualities, because you are asking your subordinates and co-workers what they think of your leadership style. When they say you are to nice, follow-up and ask them, "Can you give me an example and tell me how I should have handled it?" I always seek out detailed feedback. I try to get 360 comments (The Guests, my subordinates, other managers on my level and my Boss).
What do you like best about the restaurant industry (what makes you feel good and challenged)? -
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Permalink Reply by Charlie Buchanan on -
The challenge in leading other people is accepting that your own ideas might not be the best or the most effective. Leaders get used to carrying through their vision to the end, but the group process and dynamic necessitates that change may occur in order to achieve the goals of the collective. A good leader, is willing to be share ideas with the group, make changes to the plan as necessary, and continue to move forward. Most importantly, they do it without ego.
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Permalink Reply by Jeff Tenut on
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Thanks Charlie,
Can you tell me how you and your co-workers feel when your boss does not ask or use your input?
It's safe to say, employees do not quit companies, they quit bosses!
How did you react at first...did you fight or flea. How long before you quit that boss? -
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Permalink Reply by Charlie Buchanan on
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From personal experience, I watched a company undergo about 60% turnover in its core personnel when the supportive, mentoring leadership was replaced with a "tyrant". The company, which had been a place of growth and creativity, became stagnant and oppressive. Frankly, many of us found going to work to be depressing. So, over the period of a year to two years, a lot of us left for other opportunities. The stress was simply not worth it.
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Permalink Reply by Jeff Tenut on
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Thanks Charlie.
Bosses like that probably don't even think they were the problem! -
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Permalink Reply by Chuck Roberts on -
Best boss-- took an interest in my success and spent quality time mentoring me.
Worst boss-- dishonest with major character flaws, and was proud of it.... -
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