“Best Practices”: Leadership On The Way

Most of us were not born to be great leaders. No, we had to make our mistakes and struggle through life’s lessons to achieve leadership…in other words, we learned “On The Way”.

Have you ever watched groups of children interact with each other? You can almost always identify one child who has a stronger presence than the other children, setting the agenda, tone, and duration of their activities. Sometimes the child “leader” will gain and retain control through sheer dominance, using size, age, or vocal volume to intimidate others into submission. The child’s leadership is blatantly egocentric, and the influence the child commands is not usually subject to reason or consequential variables, so the child leader is easily able to shape the group to fulfill his or her own desires.

As these child leaders got older, they had to change their methods of leadership in order to retain their status. Domination and fear can work for a while, but as the social circle expands, an unkind leader will be left behind. So, the young leader learns to compromise…on the way. Thank goodness, too, otherwise, we’d have a society full of tyrants!

Eventually modeling from Parents, teachers, other friends, and the media all provide crucial influences in the developing leadership styles of children. These influences, whether they are positive or negative, all help shape the understanding of leadership and group dynamics.

As adult leaders, we are still influenced by the people around us. We have experienced bosses who are disrespectful and domineering. Hopefully, though, we have been coached and mentored by someone who was genuinely interested in our own professional and personal development. We have learned from our colleagues and friends who share their own stories. All of this learning, decision-making, and development of leadership occur…on the way.

Great leaders take it upon themselves to develop their wisdom, and the resulting preparedness and fortitude, in their own teams. They utilize integrity and empathy when developing peoples’ leadership qualities…all on the way. Great leaders do not reminisce about their trophies and their accomplishments or bask in their own glory. Instead, they reflect on the people that helped them get there, the people they learned from on the way…

Help others with leadership. Reply to this discussion: Tell about your bosses/leaders. What did you like best about them? Tell about your horrific bosses, what did you dislike about them?

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Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Andrea Case on May 16, 2008 at 8:34am

I completely agree with the change one must make from a child leader to an adult leader. In my past lives, I have endured great leaders and not so great leaders, but I have learned from all of them. Which in turn, hopefully makes me a more well-rounded leader in my organization. I believe the one reoccurring dislike in those that are not great leaders would be the distrust of the people these leaders sourround themselves with. This then leads to fear through intimidation by the simple act of micromanaging. I at least know how "not to lead".
Enjoyed the discussion.

Permalink Reply by Jeff Tenut on May 21, 2008 at 6:53am

Thank you Andrea. What was it about the good bosses/leaders that made you want to work hard?

Permalink Reply by Mike McCoy on May 16, 2008 at 9:58am

Having spent some time with various leaders, the one quality I dislike that I have seen in some is the inability to challenge or question authority or initatives. Some people are mere sheep - blindly following someone above them and attempting to force that opinion on others.

On the contrary, a great leader is someone who is willing to challenge (or at least question) the status quo. As the saying goes, you're either getting better or getting worse - by not taking a chance on change, you're more than likely getting worse. I'm not saying you have to be a rebel but you have to sometimes leave the option open to say why or can this be done a better way.

Permalink Reply by Jeff Tenut on May 21, 2008 at 6:51am

DId you have a boss that let you make mistakes so you would learn form them. Can you give me an example?

Permalink Reply by Robert Schaefer on May 18, 2008 at 8:22am

Hello Jeff

Great article. We often describe three psychological modes: Child, Parent, and Adult. The child approach is just what you describe...the domineering tyrant. But we also see the parental mode, which is still based on a controlling methodology, just more subtle. Parent-based methods of coaching and interacting are still very much "one-way" in approach, and the end result of the interaction is still "do this" and "do that" and questions are answered with various versions of "because I said so." When designing active learning lessons for leadership and coaching teams, it is a great tool to continuously debrief practice sessions and case studies with "So which voice was being used here, the child, the parent, or the adult?" And... "Which of these approaches would you like your boss to use with you?" etc. It is quite powerful when coupled with a company's performance counseling form, using common operational situations, or to roll out a coaching model.

Ultimately, what makes a leader an "adult" leader (the great bosses) is about they way he or she encourages questions, encourages involvement, is open to change, and a real talent for listening. I mention listening last here, because a leader is not open to change, if he or she does not value team involvement, then that leader is not capable of listening in the first place! Listening then, is only partially a technique, it is mainly the symptom of strong leadership acumen.

This leads to the last piece of the adult leadership puzzle....empathy. Adults see one another as peers, so they value the connection the other person brings to the table at the transaction level...the moment to moment encounters that leaders and associates deal with. Thus, if the leader sees their associates as colleagues and equals, adult to adult transactions are possible. Without this understanding, it becomes very difficult to avoid falling into the parent voice, and occasionally, even the child voice.

There are many lessons to great leadership to learn of course, but if every leader in your company could just learn this one method of communication; this powerful technique for coaching and interaction, it will do wonders for their turnover metrics and employee engagement results in the long run .

If you are interested in learning more about how to successfully train your company's young supervisors and managers using cutting edge, highly interactive, and experiential learning, then contact us at www.steinbrecherassociates.com or call us at 871-268-3650. We also partner with Jeff Tenut and his excellent organization Discoverlink for e-learning applications!

Sorry for the brief sales pitch, but I have an excellent boss, and I want the company to succeed that much more as a result! Let us help you build a similar culture in your workplace!!

Permalink Reply by Jeff Tenut on May 21, 2008 at 6:50am

Hi Robert, I can count on you for scientific support. Excellent feedback, thank you. Do you have support for cases where you have a great leader, but as a subordinate, you feel like you can take advantage of them? What Leadership characteristic is missing that opens the door to abuse? Jeff

Permalink Reply by Andy Swingley on May 18, 2008 at 4:26pm

The Best boss traits I want - engaging, involves me in the solutions, listens, doesn't judge my opinion before it was heard. Supports initiatives, tasks, and objectives as if they were his/her own, forward thinker, credible

The Worst boss traits I could do without - too busy, non appreciative, accepts status quo, non-problem solver (allows others to arrive at the solution but when they can't find the solution doesn't have an answer or direction), lack of point blank, in your face honesty.

Permalink Reply by Jeff Tenut on May 21, 2008 at 6:55am

Hi Andy, thank you for your reply. When working on a project, did your good boss require a plan of action before you got started, would they review/add/change the plan or let you make mistakes?

Permalink Reply by Lee C Tenut on May 19, 2008 at 6:22am

My worst boss always planned everything for everyone and told us what to do each day. The projects always went wrong and we got blamed. We did not hit the deadlines, ever.

My best boss introduced the project to everyone on the team, went over the goal and objectives and a tentative plan. Then he asked us what was wrong with the plan, how we can make i better and what does did we need to make the due date. Of course, we always hit the deadline!

Permalink Reply by Jeff Tenut on May 21, 2008 at 6:58am

With the bad bosses Lee, did you try harder for a while to prove you were better then they made you feel? How long did you try before you gave upon them. When you gave up, did you quit or just give 50% verses 110%?

Permalink Reply by John Poulos on May 19, 2008 at 6:40am

Hi Jeff, great discussion! This show get a lot of feedback.

My best boss was a true leader. He listened to me and could teach me.

My worst boss stunted my growth because he didn't want to move up within the organization, forcing me to leave.
He also did not understand how to manage up the organization.

Permalink Reply by Jeff Tenut on May 21, 2008 at 7:03am

Thanks John.

Did you ever just get frustrated and let that bad boss know how you felt? How did they react? What would it take for that bad boss to ever change?