Restaurant Social Media
Selling pissy. Does it really work?
There was a time when I believed harshly criticizing one's work or views somehow made me appear smarter than they are.
I can't really pinpoint what the influences were that caused me to respond like that in conversations. Maybe it was my private school university education, or the frustrated intellectuals and psuedo-intellectuals I dated in college.
Years later, I look at how I interact now compared to then. My willingness to truly listen to what people say, observe what they do, and in some way find a point to which I can relate before hauling off with judgments.
This is not to make me sound like Miss American Pie. Of course, I experience triggers multiple times a day that might cause me to respond quickly with ignorant criticism. But the me today compared to that of several years ago has tempered in this area.
As what I call a "consultant to the food industry" on my business card, I meet folks all the time—marketing experts, coaches, industry fixtures—who appear to think selling "pissy" qualifies them as the best leaders in the industry.
In my humble imagination (or reality), these people come in the form of personalities who can't wait to shoot down people's ideas or suggestions, or turn what might be a legitimate question into a stupid one.
While this "cache" might work out fine for them and help them continue to generate business, I was not so successful leading with that type of behavior.
Lately, I've found leading with compassion, while executing well-researched, well-thought-out solutions, is what keeps me on retainer. Are people quicker to overstep their boundaries now that I'm operating this way? Probably. Afterall, I've had to have some serious and stern conversations with fellow vendors and clients about my standards of both quality and integrity. While those conversations weren't pleasant, in the end, those players came to understand I am an amiable person who wants the best for the team, while not price-gouging.
In my experience as a "colleague," it doesn't matter whether you call yourself a consultant, coach or copywriter, if you're quick to dwell on the flaws in a manner that's harsh and condescending, you're an overpaid critic.
From a consumer perspective, if coaches, consultants or "experts" are constantly making points by being condescending or unduly critical, it doesn't mean you're the best at what you do, it doesn't mean you know more than the others or that you're indispensable. It just makes you pissy (but there I go judging, hypocritical me).
And I've learned pissy is counter-effective. After all, it costs less to retain our current clients than it does to generate new ones. At least for me, I remember clients not coming back when pissy was on my list of daily specials.
I can't really pinpoint what the influences were that caused me to respond like that in conversations. Maybe it was my private school university education, or the frustrated intellectuals and psuedo-intellectuals I dated in college.
Years later, I look at how I interact now compared to then. My willingness to truly listen to what people say, observe what they do, and in some way find a point to which I can relate before hauling off with judgments.
This is not to make me sound like Miss American Pie. Of course, I experience triggers multiple times a day that might cause me to respond quickly with ignorant criticism. But the me today compared to that of several years ago has tempered in this area.
As what I call a "consultant to the food industry" on my business card, I meet folks all the time—marketing experts, coaches, industry fixtures—who appear to think selling "pissy" qualifies them as the best leaders in the industry.
In my humble imagination (or reality), these people come in the form of personalities who can't wait to shoot down people's ideas or suggestions, or turn what might be a legitimate question into a stupid one.
While this "cache" might work out fine for them and help them continue to generate business, I was not so successful leading with that type of behavior.
Lately, I've found leading with compassion, while executing well-researched, well-thought-out solutions, is what keeps me on retainer. Are people quicker to overstep their boundaries now that I'm operating this way? Probably. Afterall, I've had to have some serious and stern conversations with fellow vendors and clients about my standards of both quality and integrity. While those conversations weren't pleasant, in the end, those players came to understand I am an amiable person who wants the best for the team, while not price-gouging.
In my experience as a "colleague," it doesn't matter whether you call yourself a consultant, coach or copywriter, if you're quick to dwell on the flaws in a manner that's harsh and condescending, you're an overpaid critic.
From a consumer perspective, if coaches, consultants or "experts" are constantly making points by being condescending or unduly critical, it doesn't mean you're the best at what you do, it doesn't mean you know more than the others or that you're indispensable. It just makes you pissy (but there I go judging, hypocritical me).
And I've learned pissy is counter-effective. After all, it costs less to retain our current clients than it does to generate new ones. At least for me, I remember clients not coming back when pissy was on my list of daily specials.
Tags: consulting, copywriting, marketing, restaurant
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Andy Swingley on -
You are so right Judy!
I think though speaking from my own internal leadership struggles that I know I get judged occassionally this way and it is the last thing I ever mean to do. I think passion overwhelms me at times and I respond quickly and aggressively just thinking everyone will "get it" and that everyone knows me and will recieve it in the way I intended but that all goes back to your point about thinking before you open your mouth. A level of business maturity I try to improve every day. Slow down, shut up, listen, and then speak. Sometimes I am really good at it.....sometimes not so good.
Pissy never, ever, ever works - you can be tough on the standards and easy on the people and it doesn't mean you get walked on. You just have to set clear boundaries and when someone steps over those you respond quickly and professionally, and not "pissy." They will quickly learn where they can go with you and where they can't!
It helps to have friends and colleagues that call you out on these communication faux paus so that you can identify the triggers that create them, recognize them, and then respond more appropriately. People want to be around people they can trust to say what they think and not be ridiculed or shut down.
Guests, vendors, colleagues, friends, family....it doesn't matter pissy turns them off
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Permalink Reply by Nathan on -
Andy,
I think those who recognize their act as a faux pa, and change accordingly, are a blessing. There are many who think being pissy is a necessary trait for being a leader. It's exemplified when they're working with other leaders because the attitude becomes ego-shoving.
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Permalink Reply by Judy "the foodie" Asman on -
Thanks, Andy. I appreciate your feedback. I agree with Nathan, in your capacity you have the self-awareness and courage to own up if you start to head down the "pissy" road, which I'm sure helps you to effectively lead your team, while continuing to earn respect. Thanks again!
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Permalink Reply by Nathan on
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Judy,
I think some people sell pissy because as you said, it can give the appearance of being more knowledgeable - especially in a short-term interaction.
The model you discuss and have lived out here on Fohboh is more approachable, easier to work with and more fun in general. Others, especially consultants and knowledge-givers, will do well by taking it to heart.
Regards
Nathan
Restaurant Revolution
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Permalink Reply by Judy "the foodie" Asman on
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Thanks, Nathan! Likewise. Especially in an environment like FohBoh, where e-communication is subject to misinterpretation constantly, I think really considering what the other person says before responding is ever more important.
Each of us on this site and others are on deck in an international platform. What we say and how we say it is--well--the purest representation of our brand.
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Permalink Reply by Chris Reed on -
Miss American Pie, you are definitely on the right path. Critics are good at 'pissy' because they generally have nothing else to offer. Those that offer paths to genuine solutions are the ones who will be around for awhile, and develop a loyal following in the process.
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Permalink Reply by Judy "the foodie" Asman on
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Thanks, Chris. I agree the "pissy" factor is a distraction too. Some of the most accomplished—briliant—people I know are also some of the gentlest, overall, when leading people and projects, even though they might have their bouts of frustration and unpleasant bluntness.
As for "Miss American Pie" -- who's blushing now?
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Permalink Reply by Jay Larson on -
Thanks for bringing this up foodie. Selling "pissy", in my opinion, is a left over of the command and control business structure of our father's. The head honcho had to be and act like the head honcho or they didn't get the respect.
Things have changed in our society however, and I personally find that kind of behavior insecure. I agree with Andy that we all fall into it (especially with my kids...aaargh!), but it is the awareness of it when we do and the humility to admit and correct it that strengthens our relationships and our ability to lead.
I am reminded of a couple proverbs that help to keep me out of this particular hot water:
- Even a fool is thought wise if he keeps silent, and discerning if he holds his tounge.
- Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.
...of course these are only useful when put into practice!
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Permalink Reply by Judy "the foodie" Asman on
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Thanks, Jay. Good to hear from you! Duly noted.
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Permalink Reply by Judy "the foodie" Asman on
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Thanks, Erin, I can relate wholeheartedly even though we share different professional experiences.
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Permalink Reply by Judy "the foodie" Asman on
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Carl, I am uncomfortable that I get your joke (LOL
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